The Grinch Can't Steal Christmas, or Just a little pot of oil

So here it is, the day after Christmas. The wrappings have been discarded in a large trash bag outside. Some presents have not even made their way out of the store packaging, because in light of Christmas angels, my children have yet again been blessed with way more "gifts" than were really necessary. And I can take a moment to look back over the last few weeks, take a deep breath, and exhale.

THIS WAS AN AWESOME CHRISTMAS!

Let me explain. . .my ex-husband popped his plans to be here for Christmas on me back on Thanksgiving. That wasn't really bad news. . .I knew that our kids would be so excited to have their dad here. But two days later, he emailed me to announce that he was engaged to an unknown girlfriend. My heart began to sink.

I have been divorced for almost two years, and we were separated for two years before that, however, we lived 1000 miles apart, and had never really done anything productive in trying to save the marriage. It wasn't that I didn't want to. . .it's just that it takes two to do those kind of things. And so, for the last three+ years, I've held onto the hope and prayer that God would give him orders to the base here, and that maybe we could give it another try. Enter fiancee and the beginning of a not-so-merry holiday season.

Just a week and a half later, dad emailed and confirmed they would be here for Christmas, and asked if it would be too uncomfortable to spend Christmas day with us. Initially, I wanted to shout at him, "YES! You've got to be kidding me. . .we don't even know her!" But instead, I offered the ever-so-grown-up and not completely of my own strength answer:

"Because we have never met her, it would not be okay for you to come over

until about lunchtime. She is a stranger to me and the kids, but come over around

11am for lunch, and feel free to stay for as long as you are comfortable."

Okay, so before you think anything wonderful about me. . .those were some of the most difficult words I have ever written. What I really wanted to say was more along the lines of how stupid can you be? No, you can't ruin my Christmas with some chick who we've never met and who I am fairly certain I don't want to know. No, you may not be a part of the family Christmas. It is too painful for me, and that supercedes the fact that they are your children too. My pain is more important than your relationship with them. My pain is mine and I will wallow in it for as long as I want.

I did NOT say that. I went, as I always do in moments like these to prayer and the wise counsel of a much older Christian woman. That is where I drew what little strength I could muster. And I put on the airs of someone that I really wasn't.

Then, to put the icing on the cake, one week later, in the middle of a large sale at work (I work at an auction), I received a text message from him. The message was simple: "I just wanted to let you know before I get there so you're not surprised, I got married."

The GRINCH was fulltime at work. In that moment, my heart turned inside out, my stomach turned, and my heart shrunk two sizes that day.

I am a Christian, and Christmas means much, much more than trees, lights, packages, and bows to me. But in that moment, I became the Grinch. My heart had shrunk to protect itself from things that it could not bear. My head became clouded, and the once, never easily swayed work conscious person that I am could not make sense of the simple data entry before me. That was the 16th of December. . .just eight days until Christmas.

Now, the weekend that I had learned about the engagement, I put myself to work. I borrowed a ladder and clung to it for dear life as I hung six strands of icicle lights from my roof. MY HOUSE. MY SAFE PLACE. This was a task that was for my joy and brought some limited joy to my heart in the wake of disturbing news. When it was done, my house was glowing with icicle lights just in time for the first snow of the season. While the knowledge still hurt, I had something tangible that brought much joy to my heart.

But that text message. . .it just wasn't so easy to deal with. By the following Tuesday (20th), I could have cared less if my house was decorated with simple yet merry lights. I could care less that I had a beautiful Christmas tree and three beautiful children dancing around it. I could care less if we were about to celebrate the birth of the only baby in the world who came to save us. I could have cared less about anything. I HURT. And I don't like hurting.

That evening, dad would bring the new wife to pick up the kids and take them to dinner. I put on a sincere smile, and was gracious. "Children, get your shoes on. Remember, listening ears."

And out the door they went. My heart shrank about two more sizes that evening. And if you can remember, the Grinch's heart was only two sizes too small. Mine was now about four!

The next day I had negotiated to leave work a little early to pick up some prizes I'd won on the Christian radio station. In the package were three CDs, candy, two small books, and a gift certificate for a one hour spa pedicure. HOW WONDERFUL! I picked up my kids and headed to a holiday get-together with some people from work, but the Grinch was still in me, so I didn't really enjoy the evening.

When I got home and got the kids in bed, I went into my room and looked over the two books. One was called "Just a Pot of Oil." I wasn't sure what exactly it referred to, but the backcover talked about running on empty. Boy, could I relate! So I put on a CD and started to read. The author spoke about how even as Christians, we are running out of things. In fact, many people in the Bible ran out of things. I had never really looked at it like that.

Thursday was still tough for me. I haven't had an appetite since before Thanksgiving, which is a blessing, sort of, given that I am still carrying excess baby weight (never mind that my baby is almost five years old, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! LOL). But six weeks without joy, without an appetite, without the ability to feel like God is in control, well. . .that is not a good thing. And at Christmas, my favorite time of the year, it is even harder to deal with.

Thursday night, I again read in the book, "Just a Pot of Oil." In the second chapter, they get to the heart of the matter. The basis for the book is the story of the widow and Elisha in 2 Kings 4. Desperate, alone, scared, and feeling out of control, the widow comes to Elisha. HELP!

Elisha answered, "How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?"

The woman said, "I don't have anything there except a pot of oil."

Then Elisha said, "Go and get empty jars from all your neighbors. Don't ask for just a few. Then go into your house and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and set the full ones aside."

So she left Elisha and shut the door behind her and her sons. As they brought the jars to her, she poured out the oil. When the jars were all full, she said to her son, "Bring me another jar."

I am not that much different than the widow. In the midst of an unpleasant circumstance, I came to God in prayer. I cried out to Him to help me. I knew that He was the only source of healing. And yet, like the widow, I couldn't see a solution. In fact, the harder I felt like I was seeking God, the less it felt like He was listening. I was asking Him to fill me. But what I had forgotten was that to be filled, sometimes we have to pour some out to make room for more!

A Christmas miracle happened Thursday night. I realized that I was losing what it means to be a Christian. I was so tied up and bound to my own circumstance that I was forgetting to be salt and light.

Christmas came this year. In new and different ways. My kids and I went to Christmas Eve service, and we did the very American Christmas morning gift exchange. And then, we all went to a soup kitchen and served a group of people who had probably not had breakfast or presents. We smiled, and even my littlest one at four got into the serving mood handing out rolls and pieces of pie.

At the end, my middle child went to the director of the program, (Carl goes to our church) and said, "Thank you for letting us help you serve today." I thought that Carl and I would both break out into tears. Carl didn't know what to say except to thank Michael for helping.

That was one of the best Christmas gifts I could have ever received. And an ex-husband with a new wife moving into town could never take that away. NEVER. Because what I know, and what no one else can make claim to is that I have been the primary caregiver for my children. I am the one who has taken them to Church and tried to be a Godly example. I am the one who has prayed night after night for guidance and wisdom as I raise them. I am the one who made sacrifices and answered the tough questions after praying over them. And it is God living in me that has allowed my children to see and to know that kind of love. That is the best Christmas gift I could have received. And it renews my heart with the knowledge of what is really important.

(LOL and it's not that daddy and his new wife have TWO 40+ inch TVs and we are still watching on a 19 inch! Forgive me, Father!)

ALL I HAVE IS JUST A POT OF OIL. . .

BUT LET'S SEE JUST HOW MANY POTS I CAN POUR IT OUT INTO!

The Path Not Taken

I guess that life is a journey. At least, there are songs claiming this, bumper stickers, and numerous other cliches about life being a journey. And so, if life is a journey, I have perfected the choice of the path not taken.

I do not believe in living life with regrets. We make choices, whether good or bad, and often they are irrevocable. We can spend the rest of our moments wishing we had made a different choice, or we can simply move on to the next choice. I prefer the second.

Now that's not to say that I don't have choices in my past--the near or the not-so-near--that I don't "regret". That would be a lie. But I try not to waste too much time on wondering where that path may have taken me. Generally, I find that the road I've chosen has quirks, turns, breathtaking views, and that is enough.

But I seem to be the queen of what seems like dramatic, unusual choices. For instance, I started this blog shortly after deciding to give notice at work and to go back to school. Of course, there were the choruses of "We're so sad to see you leave," and also, "I'm so excited for you to follow your dream." But in the back of my head there were doubts.

First and foremost, I am a mother. And while I'm not a perfect one, I try to do my best. I try to always put my children's needs before my own (i.e., that's why I'm wearing the same sweater I've had for three years. . .my kids just keep growing and I've stopped long ago!). But sometimes that is a struggle. I want things for me. And sometimes, they just don't fit in with what is best for the kids.

So I have decided not to go to school. For numerous reasons that I could go into here, but I would get too tired to finish it, and you'd never finish reading it. But I am still Nurse Mommy. I still have a child with special needs and I still love caring for/nurturing people. And I am still a Mommy. I just work in arbitration at a wholesale auto auction. And that's okay. This time, this is the path not planned to be taken. But I know that it will hold wonderful things for me and my children, even though I'm not entirely sure where it leads.

"I already know what tomorrow holds, and I've taken care of all the what-ifs. Relax!"--God

For such a time as this!

There are defining moments in each of our lives--moments when all the hard work and undying effort give way to a feeling that it was all worth it. I had one of those moments this evening while spending "Mommy Night" with my youngest.

I am a Christian, and that defines me. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and I do my best to become more like Him each day. And I'm a single mom to three, which often leaves me feeling overwhelmed and just plain outnumbered more times than not. But I have done one of the few things that I am absolutely sure of as I raise my children. I take them to church and I try to model a life that shows me as being in love with God and His servant.

"Mommy Night" was my creation out of a feeling of frustration when my children seemed to be acting out. Psychologists tell parents regularly that a child who does not get enough positive attention will seek negative attention in its place. I hate to agree with them, but this time they are right. Each child gets one night each week to "break the rules" and stay up 1/2 hour later with Mommy. In the past, this has been a time for playing games or reading with each other.

Starting this week, our church has started a once-monthly family program called "Kidstuf". It centers around the family and teaching and living Christian values/virtues. So all four of us sat on the carpeted floor of the Children's Center for thirty minutes, criss-cross-applesauce (translated into Mommy's legs were asleep about halfway in! LOL). This month's virtue is HONOR.

My youngest is only four, and that's a relatively BIG idea for a little guy, but this program is awesome. It comes with an at-home guide to keep the dialogue open, and with a few words substituted, we sat this evening and talked about HONOR: showing others that they have value to you.

In the middle of our conversation, he said to me that all the good guys go to heaven and all the bad guys "go down dare (putting downward)". I guided him to the fact that the Bible, God's word, tells us that none of us are "good enough" without Jesus to earn our way into heaven. I assured him that with Jesus, God loves all of us and wants us ALL to go to heaven, we just have to ask Jesus into our hearts.

You'll never guess what he said next!

"Can I say that to Jesus in my head?"

"We can say that right now, out loud, if you want to."

"I do. I want to go to heaven and see God."

"Do you want me to pray with you and ask Jesus to live in your heart?"

"Yes, Mommy."

Sigh. Of all the moments in my life that have made me proud, that have made me happy, that have made me anything. . .It is a time such as this that reassures me that I am doing okay raising my children!

Now, mind you, this is my youngest. I've said prayers with my oldest as well, and I'm hoping tomorrow night's "Mommy Time" with the "middle man" will illuminate whether he has asked Jesus into his heart too. But it was definitely for such a time as this that I was created!

Praise the Lord!

To the one I cannot stop loving

I dedicate this to the only one who broke my heart, and to the one I can't forget.

Like a wheel stuck in the mud,
My desire to be free of you is bound.
I try to wiggle myself free,
But the chains tighten around my limbs.

I have cried out to let me go,
And once I believed I might be free.
Then the dreams began to haunt me again,
And I found I was still tied tightly to you.

I asked the Lord to take it away,
For I knew you could not complete me.
He made me whole again,
But my desire was not released.

I tried to run away from you,
But found I had run a circle around you.
I tried once to replace you,
But found that none could compare to you.

You took my life and tore it apart,
And I knew that I should stay away,
Yet my heart and my mind
Seem to be absolute strangers to each other.

I want to kiss you goodbye.
I want to leave you.
I want to forget you.
But I can’t.

I have spent three years praying that I could move on,
Only to find that where you are is where I long to be.
I long for the day when you held me and loved me,
Like a wanderer in the desert longs for water.

I continue to pray to be made whole,
So that I can survive in a world without you.
And I’ve learned that I can survive,
But my deepest desire is still you.

Who takes care of Mommy when Mommy gets sick? LOL

Life has been busy the last few weeks. The older two are back in school, and life just seems to move on faster and faster each day. I can honestly say that I rarely have the opportunity to say that my life is boring! :)

So, the big news is that Mommy is sick. Now when one of the kids gets sick, we all know who is there to dose out medicine, tuck little bodies under the blanket on the couch. But who takes care of Mommy when Mommy gets sick? Mommy!

My youngest has had a cough for a couple of weeks, but it's been seemingly benign. He hasn't had any other major symptoms, except for a one-day isolated runny nose this last weekend. The rest of us have all been healthy which leads me to believe he brought this thing home from the daycare center.

And, of course, now Mommy has it! Only Mommy's version involves possible bronchitis and walking pneumonia. Two days ago I felt fine. Then, BAM! This thing knocked me on my rear. So I am now on an inhaler and antibiotics, and trying to rest as three little whirlwinds run through the house! HOW FUNNY! ! !

Well, one sick day is enough. I'm back to work, although I did pre-clear a shortened day with my boss. I figure if I push it too much, he'll have to pick up the slack when I'm knocked flat on my back in bed. Hehe

So, tonight it's off to bed early with meds and all those goodies. Back to the grind tomorrow. And, yes, Mommy tries to take very good care of herself, but the world won't stop spinning!

Where did He go? Not a vacation in N'Awlins

So I haven't personally heard anyone say it yet, but I know that it is only a matter of time before I hear a non-believer say, "So if God is real, where is He right now? How could He let something like this happen?" My boss is a non-believer, and I can tell during our discussions of the devastation that these kinds of thoughts are running through his mind.

Where is God in all of this? God is in every single person across the world who has flooded the American Red Cross website and hotline to donate money to the disaster relief fund. God is in every family who is giving up a dinner at McDonald's or a movie trip this weekend, so they can give just that much more to those who are in desperate need. God is in every person who has volunteered to go down to the areas afffected in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida. God is in every government who has turned their arenas into shelters. God is in every nurse and doctor in the area who are taking turns, by hand, keeping critically ill patients alive without the assistance of water and electricity. God is in the government who is enlisting monetary help from other nations and from its citizens to help in this time of such great need.

How could God let all of this happen? It says in the Bible that God does not wish that anyone should perish, suffer, die, be displaced. So how is it that He let this happen? Because He loved us so much that He gave us free will. And from the very beginning in the Garden, Adam and Eve "chose" to have knowledge of good AND evil. Sin is a presence in our world. And the presence of sin in our world is what has led us to where we are. It is easy to point out sin. . .looting, violence, disease. God allows these things because He didn't create us to be puppets. He gave us minds, and unfortunately, our minds are capable of horrible things.

But God is still here. He is still watching. He is crying as He watches the elderly and the very young die in the wake of the hurricane. He is crying as He watches His children fight, loot, and keep others from being saved. He is smiling as millions give to help their brothers and sisters, their neighbors, complete strangers. He is smiling as single mothers give sacrificially to help. He is smiling as He sees His own mobilize transportation to get people out of those areas.

And in this disaster, He is strong. We often trust in our own abilities. We can do it on our own, we think. But we can't. And sometimes, it takes a disaster to make that clear.

God will be glorified as we rebuild the lives of these people. Christians will give money, their time, their homes to those in needs. And so will many others. God will be glorified through these acts of help.

God has been in New Orleans for hundreds, if not thousands of years. We may not have seen Him there, but He has always been there. Now He's calling to us to show everyone that He has not left.

Do what you can. No gift is insignificant. No sacrifice too little.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the Lord, ' and I will bring you back from the place where I sent you into exile." --Jeremiah 29:11-14

At the end of my rope. . .

So, okay, I suppose we all have days where it seems like all the lights turn green just before we get to them, everyone holds the door open and says, "You first," and other odd niceties. And then we all have days where it seems like everything in the universe is set into motion to defy and/or aggravate you. I've been having lots of the second kind of days. . .days when I'm at the end of my rope.

The next year is to be filled with many, many changes. My children will be in three different places each day. We are running here and there and everywhere going to therapy and doctors' appointments. I'm going back to school. Surgery (x2) for my oldest boy. When will it calm down?

I don't know. And simply put. . .I'm not in charge or control of many parts of life-- in fact, all of it. I just seem to be along for the ride. And at the moment, it feels somewhat like holding onto a length of rope tied behind a four-wheeler that's racing around wildly. I'm hanging on for dear life, but I'm just about at the point where I have no choice but to let go.

It's a scary place really. If I let go, will I land somewhere safe? Will I get run over by a herd of moose? Will I roll around dizzy from the ride and in shock?

Who knows? ! ?

That's the crux of the whole matter. GOD KNOWS!

I'm not really a control freak, but there are certain things in my life that I want a say in, or at least a modicum of control over. But it seems that the more that I want that control, the less I actually have it.

And that's okay. (I think, LOL!)

See what I'm learning is that I'm never really in control. I tell myself stories about how well I controlled this or that situation, but the reality is that my life, my input, is but a blip in the history of the world and mankind. Now I'm not saying that to say that I am not important or significant. I know that God created me with a purpose and a plan. But the reality is that in the big picture, I am just a speck. I contribute to the final image, but alone, I have no definition.

I am learning that each time I want to control something, especially something that even I can admit I don't really have control over, I am simply saying to God that I don't trust His perfect plan for my life. HOW FOOLISH!

So starting a couple of days ago, I started praying that God would help me really submit my life to Him. All of it. Not just the parts that I "think" it's okay to let go of, but all of it. The actions of others that hurt or annoy me. The moral values of others and the choices that go along with them and destroy the "world" I want to live in. I'm letting go of it.

I'm not exactly loving every minute of it. Honestly, if were up to me, I could spend hours and hours each day telling God exactly how He should make so-and-so act, how things should work in my life, and in other people's lives. But that is not submission, faith, or trust. That is me, in fear, trying to control the things that I cannot and ending up hurt, frustrated, annoyed, etc. even further.

There are many variables in the near future. All of them are things that I wish I could foretell or control, but have no ability to do either. And so, since I can't change anything but my desire to trust and follow God, my prayer has become just that. Father, Help me learn to let go of my rope. I know You will take care of me. You are always/still in control.

So here's to letting go of the rope.

SO I'M ABOUT TO LET GO, AND LIVE WHAT I BELIEVE
I CAN'T DO A THING NOW, BUT TRUST THAT YOU'LL CATCH ME
WHEN I LET GO. . . .

How BIG is your God?

The theme of the last few sermons at Church has been "Getting Out of the Box." The series started with the call to stop living without faith (Churchianity) and start living live with faith (Christianity). The call was to let God out of the box that we so often confine Him to.

For me, I really felt as though I was walking with Him, although even I would admit to not being able to feel Him walking beside me. And even I knew it was me who had moved, not God. But I didn't feel that I was living my life as a "phony" Christian, just going through the motions. I mean, I pray and read my Bible daily, I listen almost exclusively to Christian music, and I try to remember to do all things as unto Christ.

But God knew me. He has always known me. And just as there are critical points for learning in our physical and mental development, it turns out that there are critical points in our spiritual growth as well. Today's sermon is proof of that fact.

So, just how much faith is enough? Ironically, my prayer recently is that God would give me more faith. The irony in that is that I wasn't using the little, bitty ounce of faith I already lay claim to.

"I assure you, even if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." --Matthew 17:20

So that brings me back to the point where I am. . .not without faith, but with very little faith. And why? Because I am afraid that God will disappoint me. I am afraid that if I let go and ask Him to move mountains, He won't do it, or at least not on my schedule. I am afraid of looking stupid, asking for miracles and then not seeing them done. I am afraid, because although I know that God is capable of doing all things, I don't believe He will do them for me.

I suppose the question to ask then, is why? If I know that He can do them, why am I afraid to ask for those miracles, to move the mountains? Because, I AM AFRAID. I am afraid that He will tell me no. I am afraid that if He says yes, it will not work within my constraints, my guidelines. And yet, I want more but don't dare ask for it? ! ? How silly!

So here I am to announce that I am done being afraid that God will say no, or not yet. I am done being afraid that I will look foolish for asking for the mountain to be moved. I am done with my unbelief.

AND SHE CRIED OUT, "MOUNTAIN, IN THE NAME AND POWER OF JESUS CHRIST, I COMMAND YOU TO MOVE!"

(CHECK BACK TO SEE WHERE IT GOES!)

This IS the Right Decision

If you know me, and probably, if you're reading this, you do. . .you know that I can have the tendency to make a decision without weighing all the consequences and then just doing the best I can to survive the many ramifications of the decision. Now, I do make rational, well-thought-out decisions also, but it seems like those aren't the ones that stick out in my mind. LOL

Well, I have battled the decision to go back to school full-time for several months. I went back and forth, trying to figure out how it would work, how I would support my children, how I could be all the things that life has its expectations set upon for me. And I went back and forth, forth and back, then back and forth again. So the decision to announce to my boss that I was, in fact, going to be leaving to go back to school just kind of set the decision in stone.

I don't know that I heard God's voice telling me, "You go ahead. I'll take care of the details." But what I do know is that on the way to work on Monday morning, God was speaking to me, even if I was not completely aware of it.

See that's the cool thing about faith. You go back and forth trying to work it out in your head, and then you end up in this place where you are confident that it can't work, that you're too afraid of the uncertainties and the changes ahead, and then. . .BAM! God puts it all in place.

Without going into much detail (I'm not really at a liberty to go into those at this time), God revealed to me Thursday evening that I had, in fact, made the blessed choice. He is going to take care of me as I seek my education and go to nursing school. He is going to make all the schedules work, even though I still can't see most of it. But He has been faithful to give me my heart's desires, on so many levels. I just simply had to take that small leap of faith.

God is so good, so big, and so loving. I know that at times I struggle with an inability to see this just the way it really is. But God is my Father. And, just as I would give my children everything they really desired (assuming money were no issue), than how much more does my Father in Heaven who possesses and created everything going to give to me as I desire?

Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean that He's going to drop the keys to a brand new Honda Pilot in my hands tomorrow, or the land for my dream home. . .because it is in His perfect timing that He fulfills our desires. But what I know is that He is going to give me my deepest desires. . .and after Thursday's revelation. . .I'm almost anxious to see what comes next. I still have some deep desires that He hasn't granted me, but I know that He is preparing me for those blessings just the way He prepared me for this one.

Nursing school isn't going to be easy, but at least now I know that this is exactly when and where God wants me to go after it.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME; ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!

Getting out of the boat!

My three Angels, June 2005

So, I'm a single mom of three--one has special needs--and I've been trying/thinking about going to nursing school for well over two years now. In fact, when I started my current job two years ago, I was just three classes away from being able to apply to nursing school! And here it is, two years later, my kids and I all two years older, and I still have three classes (or so, depending which way I choose to go. . .AA or BSN) until I can apply.

But on Monday, I took the big step and got out of the boat. I told my boss that as of January 1st, I would no longer be a full-time employee as I was heading back to school to follow my heart and chase my dreams.

I wish I could start classes sooner, and it looks like I will have to go the AA route. I will need daycare assistance to go to school, and the local AA program is considered a technical/vocational program, so the state will pay for my childcare so long as I work at least 20 hours/week while taking classes. My good friend and angel, Heather, is going this route right now, and will graduate in about four months. Boy, am I ever envious of her! ! !

So I have a few pre-requisite classes to finish, and the hope is that I can apply and be accepted to start nursing school in the fall of 2006. That's really not that far off. That's what I keep telling myself. It will be here before I know it.

And then, before I know it, I will be taking my licensing exams and such. Then, after a year or two of nursing, it will be back to school to get the RN to BSN program finished so that I can head off to Frontier Nursing for my Nurse Midwife training. Oh, I can't wait to deliver babies! ! !

Well, today has been busy. And I'm still doing lots of research about what to expect in school and in nursing while I'm online. I'll share more later!


On another topic, Mike got his first spacers put in at the orthodontist today. These will enable them to put bands on the back teeth next week for the arch expander. All of this is time-critical as his lateral incisors are about to erupt and the bone grafting to the alveolar ridge must be accomplished before that happens so that we don't lose those two permanent teeth. The bone grafting will be done in a series of two surgeries as his cleft is too large for a "good" single graft repair. The first of these surgeries will in late October, and recovery will be slower than the others. The mouth will stop hurting, or so I'm told, within a few weeks, but the donor site (most often the hip) will continue to ache/hurt for about 6-10 weeks. I plan on taking at least a week off work, but the nurses tell me that I should expect him to miss at least two weeks of school. Aaargh! If only I had help. . .but Dad doesn't plan on being here, so I'll just muddle through the best I can.

I also am considering some orthodontics for my upper teeth. I have quite a bit of space in the upper front teeth, and crowding in the back. I know that I have a major overbite, but the jaw break/wiring procedure just won't do with me raising three little ones on my own. I have told them that at this point I am concerned about the upper teeth only and that oral surgery, if any, would have to be very minor. But the orthodontists we are seeing are phenomenal! Let's see what they can do!

Well, I better get back to the job of raising the kids. Tomorrow's my long day at work, and that means an earlier bedtime for all of us tonight. Life continues to move on, and I'm moving forward.