He likes me, he likes me not. . . too many petals on this flower!

Okay. . .so I admit it. I'm a dunce when it comes to male/female relationships. I got married to my high school sweetheart at the tender age of 18. We divorced ten years later, leaving me to raise three kids and to face the possibility of dating in a very foreign adult world.

Foreign? YES! Foreign. When you are 16 and you "like" a boy, you call your best friend and plot for hours and hours of some outrageous way to let him know that you like him. If possible, you want to seem needy so that he'll help you, just so that you can be around him. If you're outgoing, like I once was, you might even just go right up to him after math class, give him a hug and tell him you like him.

But at 30, with three children of my own, all of that seems, well. . . .childish.

And, boys seemed to be much easier to read than men are. Perhaps that was just because I was too naive to realize I didn't really have a clue back then, or perhaps the comfort of a marriage relationship dulled my "dating" radar. I don't really know.

What I do know is that I'm a dunce when it comes to letting a guy know that I'm interested, and in telling if he is interested. (I'd go on to include the story about the guy I let know I was interested in and later found out from him, and I quote: "I'm flattered, but I don't date woman!" I'll save that for my embarassment file and not post the whole thing here.)

Which leads me to the current issue. HIM. I have known him for several years, but when we first met, I was legally separated and hoping and praying for my marriage to be restored. We were friends. But it was just that. . .friends. You know, you joke with each other, talk, but never take it to a romantic level. And that was okay.

When my divorce was final, initially I was very intrigued, but the timing with other events in each of our lives really wasn't right for either of us to pursue a relationship. (Sometimes, I still wonder if my life is compatible with a dating relationship at all. . . . .) We remained friends, shared some "bonding" moments, but still it never progressed.

In the last two years, I have dated two different guys. He met one of them. He knew about both of them. But honestly, in my heart, I still think about HIM. In fact, I was thinking about him during my last relationship. I suppose that should have been a red flag that my relationship wasn't right long before I truly decided that.

So I want to know if he is interested. I want to let him know that I'm interested without seeming silly or embarassing myself. And instead, I sit here at a computer telling you all about an anonymous HIM who makes me think that I am a much better woman now than I have ever been. *sigh*

HIM, if you are reading this, I would love to get to know you better. Have coffee or go for a walk. I'd love to partner with you in prayer over this thing that is scratching on the door of my heart, but I don't know exactly what your need is. I'd just like to get to know YOU better.

Okay. . .that's as close as I can get to it. Pray for me, y'all!